Bigotry causes terror scare

A plane heading from North Carolina to New York was instructed to make an emergency landing after the captain was accidentally locked in the bathroom due to a faulty lock (Full story here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/17/pilot-locked-in-bathroom-_n_1099085.html).

Where it turns into a terror scare is here: A passenger, who heard the captain banging on the door, knocked on the cockpit door and provided the password telling the co-pilot what had happened. The co-pilot, however, reported to air traffic controllers that the man had a “thick foreign accent” so he didn’t believe him.  Air traffic controllers told him to “declare an emergency and just get on the ground”. 

The captain was able to free himself and report what happened before the emergency landing actually happened, but still the plane was met by the FBI and the passenger was questioned (which means he was, however briefly, detained). He (kindly) accepted the misunderstanding.

The media, overwhelmingly portraying this as a “thank goodness this turned out to be nothing, but what a scare!” story, is really missing the point.  It really shouldn’t have been a scare. 

The man had an accent – which I’m betting wasn’t British or French or German or even Russian – and the co-pilot automatically assumed he was lying, in spite of the fact that he gave a perfectly plausible explanation and the appropriate code word to let the co-pilot know that it was actually coming from the captain.

This incident was escalated into at “terror scare” due to bigotry plain and simple.  And the man who was trying to help had the misfortune of flying while foreign, and paid the (albeit small) price.

And instead of incitefully unpacking that fact, the media is simply rah-rahing, telling the masses that this is good – this is how things are supposed to be.

Bureaucracy

Nothing is simple for the government, and sometimes the quasi-military nature of the EOP makes me laugh.  Tomorrow I have to go out to our Network Operations Center (NOC) – an underground bunker in an undisclosed location. This will be my first time there, and as such, I needed directions.

As an aside: I spent my first two weeks trying to figure out what ‘the Knock” was, as I kept hearing people talk about is. I finally had to ask someone.

Anyway… back to my trip to the NOC.

What we have, instead of simply directions, is a 5-page SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) document to provide directions to the facility. The actual directions take up about 3/4 of a page. The rest of the document is record-keeping information and instructions on the application of the directions.

If it takes five pages for simple directions, I don’t know how we can ever expect something like the tax code to be simplified?

Does a body good?

Yesterday, I stopped at Whole Foods to do a little shopping. For those who don’t know what it is, Whole Foods is a grocery chain that offers ‘natural’ and organic foods (‘natural’ is by their own definition). I don’t go there often because it’s too expensive and I can generally get the things I’m interested in at Trader Joe’s for significantly less.

Normally, I just breeze through and pick up what I want, but I had a little time on my hands, so I wandered through the store. The thing that amazed me was the amount of vitamins and supplements they offered. One aisle – both sides – was completely full and another about half. Shelf after shelf after shelf of little bottles of stuff – a lot of which I’d never heard of.

And I couldn’t help thinking that it was rather ironic. Isn’t the point of eating a balanced diet of natural and organic foods supposed to be healthy? If that’s the case, why the need for all the supplements and stuff? What’s the point of spending more money to get Whole Foods ‘natural’ products if you need to spend even more money on probiotics, whey protien, flax seed, ground-up oyster shell…

Originally published: 2/27/2008

Obama inflitrates the Office of the President

As some of you may know, the ‘Chesapeake Primaries’ (MD, DC, VA) were this past Tuesday. Leading up to that time, we were graced with some lovely advertising from the candidates. Fortunately, I was able to avoid most of this.

One thing I wasn’t able to avoid was a particular ad for Barak Obama that hit me where I least expected it on Monday afternoon.

I was coming back into my office after getting coffee. I went through security and stepped into an elevator that had just opened. As I stepped in, I heard the speaker in the elevator ‘talking’. At first I thought the people who’d just stepped out must have accidentally hit the ‘Call’ button. The voice kept going and was a little staticky. Also I really didn’t care what he was saying as I was just biding my time to say it was a false alarm.

Then I heard it… “Barak Obama….” and I started listening hard. I realized that it was an ad for Obama… at the end it urged me to vote for Obama in tomorrow’s primary.

I laughed… apparently the building managment company has sold ad time on their elevator… which allowed Obama to address us, the ‘little people’ working in the Executive Office of the President. I guess he wanted to get in good before he got here.

Originally posted: 2/14/2008

We are living in a security world…

and I am a security girl.

As you might have guessed, working on the White House campus involves a lot of security. Some of it is very obvious, some less so. To give you an idea, here’s a ‘typical’ day.

I drive to work and enter the garage in my building. It’s supposedly a ‘public’ garage. I’ve been parking there since I began work in September and have a monthly pass. Yet, everyday I drive in and have to show my ID badge to an officer of the Secret Service Uniformed Division (yup, there’s both uniform and plain clothes divisions). I get waved in and go park.

I get in the elevator and go to the lower level of my building where another UDSS person checks my badge again. I also have to send all my bags through a screener and walk through a metal detector myself. The difference between airport screening and this is that a) I don’t have to take my shoes off and b) I can bring in liquids (yay for my morning coffee! ).

I then get into an elevator where I am required to use a special fob to allow me to select my floor. Once I arrive on my floor, there is plain clothes SS agent manning a security desk… with George looking down over his right shoulder and Dick learing down over his left. Initially, these guys really aren’t too friendly initially , but I’ve now trained all of them to respond appropriately to a greeting (a couple even take the initiative and will greet me without prompting!). I’m like that.

I then use the same fob to I did to get onto my floor to get into the actual office area – passing by the secret service agent in the process. Then I’m in my office! Once I get there, I have to unlock all my files, cabinets and the coat closet (everything must be secured!). While I’m doing so, I tend to gaze out the window through the blast curtain (a kind of web-like hanging made of some sort of material that isn’t cut by broken glass) which is supposed to protect us from shrapnel should the windows shatter in some sort of explosion.

Once I unlock my coat closet, hanging inside is my VRU… affectionately referred to as the cooking bag… it’s a lifesaving device that gives you 15 minutes of pure oxygen once opened and activated so that you can survive in an emercency where the immediate environment is contaminated. It’s required you carry it with you when an alert is sounded… whether it’s a drill or the real thing.

Speaking of alerts… everyone is required to enter their information into an emergency alert system so you get all the alerts. Alerts vary, from information about events like the fire in the EEOB two weeks ago to suspicious packages and vehicles. Since in addition to my work computer, I get alerts on my BlackBerry, I get them all the time (I think we average about one a day). My favorite was when I forgot to turn my BlackBerry off at Thanksgiving, so the shrill alert sounded from in purse making my entire extended family (all 40 of them) wonder what the heck was going on. Turns out, there was a suspicious vehicle near the White House and 17th Street was blocked off. I was in Minnesota.

Following an event that requries evacuation of any kind (or drill) you’re required to log onto another system (via phone, web or BlackBerry) to report your status (whether you’re on campus or now) so they know that a) you’re okay and b) whether or not you can work (this latter is especially important for IS&T folks like myself who are responsible for keeping all the information systems running).

Okay, so now I sit down at my desk. We’re on a confidential network and every morning when my computer starts up, before I log on, there’s a nice little screen that comes up reminding me of this fact, and the penalties I could face if I violate this ‘trust’ – including jail time. What a way to start the day, eh?

Some rules during the day:
All papers go in ‘burn bags’. We don’t shred, we burn. Each person must have their own burn bag and these bags must be locked up at night. Once a week, a guy comes around and collects our bags and gives us new ones.

If you leave you computer… even to go 10 steps to the printer… you must lock it. If you don’t and IA (that’s our computer security department) catches you… you end up buying them lunch. They send out lovely messages to the whole department telling everyone of your generosity… using your e-mail that they accessed because you didn’t lock your computer.

Each time you exit and re-enter the building… you go through the whole security check again. This is true for whatever campus building you enter. In fact, at most buildings (not mine because it’s leased space in a private building not a public building) in addtion to showing your badge, you must swipe it and enter a PIN, go through a turnstile and THEN through the metal detector.

Also there are three levels of badge, based on color, which determine what buildings you can get into. I’m a second level, which allows me into everything but the White House (for that I need to be approved through the appropriate system by someone with access to approve me).

At the end of the day, it’s actually much less hassle. You simply logout, turn off your computer, lock up your burn bag and cabinets and then… leave.

So I bet you’re wondering… “Daisy, with all of that do you really feel safe at work? I mean, you’re still right next to probably one of the biggest targests in the country.”

My answer:
Yes, suffocatingly so.

Originally posted: 1/2/2008

The future is here… and it’s in the bathroom!

ne of the things about DC and its environs that strikes me as odd is the toilets. Most public places… and virtually all government buildings have auto-flush toilets.

Airports, office buildings, malls, stores, restaurants… they’re everywhere… except private homes. They’re so prevalent that when I travel away from the area, I sometimes have to remind myself: “Oh yeah… flush… these don’t do it for you.”

A lot of places go so far as to automate everything in the restroom. The toilets flush automatically, the soap dispenser operates on a sensor, the sink turns on automatically, the paper towel dispenser operates on a sensor and the air dryer too. I say both of those, because it’s not uncommon for restrooms to have both.

On the one hand, I can see some saying… “but it makes it so much more sanitary!” Yet, with all that automation… the doors aren’t. So if someone goes to the bathroom and, heaven forbid, doesn’t wash their hands after (and you know those heathens are out there )… *poof* there goes all that sanitary value.

Personally, I think it’s laziness more than sanitariness that drives it. It’s like the ultimate in sloth… you go into the lavatory… drop your pants (or open your fly), sit (or stand) and do your business. You finish and the toilet (or urinal) flushes itself. You go to the sink, stick your hand under the soap dispenser and *psst* SOAP! It’s like magic!

Stick your hands under the faucet and… oooh aaaah… water miraculously starts washing over your hands! You go to the dryer or towel dispenser and *woosh* *vrrrp* the drier starts or the towel jets out.

In in all of that, you didn’t have to push, pull or press anything! Think of the savings in effort expended… there’s no exertion whatsoever!

In a way, it’s kind of like the Jetson’s future…only better because there are no buttons to press… come to fruition. It’s all automated. I just find it strange that the ‘future’ comes so fully to the bathroom first.

Originally posted: 1/27/2008

We will be moving momentarily. There is a train in front of us…

Ahhhh Metro.

One of the things you frequently hear from people who visit DC is how great the Metro system is… and from the point-of-view of a visitor, I can see that.

It’s safe, clean, well-lit, easy-to-follow, and gets you pretty much anywhere you want to go from the Capitol to the White House (and all the Smithsonian Museums in between)… generally in 20 minutes or less. With just an additional 10 minutes, you can even get to Arlington Cemetery. And… you can sit down!

If you live here, however, you know that Metro is not great. In fact, it is the opposite of great. It works for tourists because of the amount of overlap in the downtown area (you can see the red, orange/blue and yellow/green saturation in the center). Once you get outside that… forget it.

To commute, I take Metro between Franconia/Springfield (last Virginia stop on the blue line – bottom left of the page) and Farragut West (second blue line stop within DC). According to Metro, this trip should take me 34 minutes. In truth, it takes more like 54.

Why?

1) Metro cannot properly time their trains. You cannot travel outside the core downtown zone without the train stopping multiple times and the driver coming over the PA to say: “Attention passengers! We will be moving momentarily. There is a train in front of us on the platform/in the tunnel.”

Well DUH!
Unless you’re at one of the end points, there’s pretty much ALWAYS a train in front of you. It’s basically a closed system.

Oddly, it’s actually worse leaving the core for Virginia after the lines split. For example, yesterday… as I waited to get a train home at Farragut West, two orange line trains came through. The third train was my blue line train. We go fine until we approach Arlington Cemetery. Coming into Arlington, we have to wait for a train at the platform. Remember… there were at least two orange line trains between us and the previous blue line train. How does that happen?

Also, to me ‘momentarily’ means within a minute or so… not 5-10 minutes.

2) Metro only works under ‘ideal’ weather conditions. If it’s too warm, too cold, too humid, too rainy, too dry, too many leaves on the ground… you name it… the trains break down. This, of course, causes delays in the system.

3) Those nice seats the tourists like… they take up space that could be used for standing commuters so more people would fit in a car and commuters wouldn’t be having to wait for – many times – 2-3 trains to pass before one that actually has room to get on.

4) It’s expensive for commuting. For tourists who generally aren’t on Metro during rush hour (most things don’t open until 10 and rush hour fares end at 9:30) it’s $1.35 to get anywhere in DC. During rush – $1.65. If however, you go outside DC it can be as much as $4.50 (that’s what my fare is). When you add in the parking rate at Metro Stations (because outside of DC not that many people actually live within walking distance of a station) – another $4.50 and your total commute – for one day – ends up costing you $13.50. Multiply that by an average of 22 days a month and you’ve got $297 – and there’s no discounted monthly passes or anything.

You can, however, buy an unlimited DAY PASS for $7.80.

My parking permit for a secure ramp costs $270. Generally, it takes me 30 minutes to drive in… if traffic is bad 45 minutes… REALLY bad an hour.

As much as I’d love to use public transportation, Metro sucks.

Originally posted:  1/15/2008

Adventures in Slugging

Several times a week, I pick up slugs on my way home from work.

Now that I’ve got your attention.

Actually, I’m serious. I pick up slugs from Constitution Avenue and drop them off at Bob’s.

Slugs and slugging are a rather unique DC (actually Northern Virginia) institution. Slugging is basically informal, grassroots carpooling, and the slugs are the riders. I’ll get into why they’re called slugs in a bit, but first let me explain how the system works.

There is one road I95/I395 that goes from Fredricksburg, VA into downtown DC that has HOV-3 lanes (that means High Occupancy Vehicles – 3 or more people) from 6-9 am and 3:30 to 6 pm. Along the way, just before you cross the bridge to DC, is the Pentagon.

Lots and lots of people take this road into work every day (including me). The way slugging works is riders (slugs) park their cars in designated commuter lots (sometimes Park and Rides, sometimes communter friendly commercial lots) and wait in line at a designated location. There are a number of these along the route and different ones go to different locations (i.e. Cardinal Forest to Pentagon, or Bob’s to L’Enfant or Bob’s to Memorial Bridge area – Bob’s has 2 lines, most only have one). Riders line up and wait and drivers will come up to the appropriate line and pick up enough riders to have at least three people in their vehicle (if waiting lines are long, drivers will often be asked if they’ll take more people and generally do) so they can use the HOV lanes.

Going home in the evening works the same way, slugs wait in a designated space, drivers come along and take them back. Constitution Avenue, where I pick up, has two lines, so a driver will pull up, shout out where they’re going (“BOB’S!”) and people will get in the car.

A note about Bob’s. Bob’s is actually a now-defunct Long John Silver’s parking lot. Apparently, there used to be a Bob’s Big Boy across the street many years ago that was the pick-up point. That was replaced by a Shoney’s which was eventually torn down, then the line was moved across the street to an empty area behind Circut City (part of their parking lot), which was then fenced off and so the lines moved into the LJS (which was closed by then) parking lot. People still call it Bob’s though… even though there hasn’t been a Bob’s there since the 80s. Bob’s was also the first formal meeting place and used to be for the Pentagon. Actually all the initial slugging was for the Pentagon, but I digress.

No money is exchanged because it’s of mutual benefit. The riders are giving the drivers enough people to take HOV, which is much faster than the regular traffic lanes and the drivers are providing the transportation.

There are some other rules that apply as well:

• Riders may not ask for the radio station to be changed or turned off (if it’s quite loud, turned down is a reasonable request).
• Neither riders, nor drivers may eat or smoke in the vehicles.
• No talking on cell phones (riders or drivers).
• Riders may not talk (except for courtesies like Hello and Thank You) unless spoken to by driver first
• No appying make-up, performing grooming.

It actually makes for a quick, pleasant ride home. In the lighter times of the year, people will often read, knit or do Soduku while they ride along. Others will listen to their iPods or whatever. There is one thing that gets me though:

It’s not uncommon for people to take a little nap while riding home.

I find this incredibly odd. I don’t generally sleep in cars in the first place, but to fall asleep in a car full of strangers? I can’t possiblely imagine it. Who are these people that can do such a thing? I’d ask, but I don’t want to wake them up.

In all, it’s a pretty neat system. There’s no formal arrangement. You don’t have to coordinate with people. You don’t even have to use it if you don’t feel like it.

You’re probably wondering… how did all this start and why the hell are they called slugs?

It started in the early 70s when the HOV lanes were put in.
It was very informal. Instead of meeting places, drivers would pull up to bus stops where people were waiting to go to the Pentagon (leave it to those military types ) and ask if anyone wanted a ride. Rather than continue waiting in the heat/cold/rain for a bus that was likely to be over-crowded, people would get a ride.

The name slugs derives not from the mollusk, but from an analogy to ‘slug nickle’. Bus drivers, who would see people waiting at a stop, would stop only to have people not get on, and realize those people were waiting for cars, not the bus… therefore they weren’t actual bus riders… they were ‘fakes’… ‘slugs’… not worth a fare (or a ‘slug nickle’). Sometimes people have tried to make the name more ‘politically correct’ referring to slugging as ‘instant carpooling’ or ‘casual carpooling’ (getting ‘instant carpoolers’ and ‘casual carpoolers’), but thankfully, the name – and the heritage – sticks.

For more info: http://www.slug-lines.com/

Originally posted: 1/10/2008

Well, you must know more about this than me

One of the things I do in my work is support our help desk techs. When they are stumped with a customer’s problem, they will ask me if I have any deeper knowledge. Most of the time I do. Occasionally, I end going to the tech’s desk, looking at what’s going on (through a remote desktop link) and talking to the customer directly – although I try to avoid this at all costs.

The reason I try to avoid it is because generally when it reaches something like this, you’re dealing with a “power user”. Power users are people who use a particular program heavily and use a lot of high-level features of the programs. You might even call them ‘experts’… might… the problem is, they only know what their job requires them to know. Yes, they’re using high-level features, but it’s not uncommon for them to be complete novices at relatively basic things (like Paste Special).

They, however, consider themselves experts… and you can probably guess how easy it is to ‘teach’ an expert anything about the subject in which they’re an expert.

Today, it was an accountant-type and Excel. He called because he could only open a file ‘Read Only’. It was telling him he already had that file open.
He explained that when he’d gone to save it earlier this morning, it told him it was open and already modified by another user (only the user had HIS userID) and asked him if he wanted to overwrite those changes (this is, of course where he should have called us, but no). He said yes.

So now, it was telling him he already had it open and could only open it read-only. So, the first thing I did was opened it and had him make sure his changes were in that file. They were, so I told him I was going to save a copy on his desktop. He freaked (as did a woman standing in his office with him). He told me I couldn’t do that because there were files linked to that main file and I couldn’t change the name. I calmly explained that I wasn’t changing the file at all, just making a back-up copy to be safe.

His comment to me: “Well, you must know more about this than me… so I’ll defer to you.”

It took every ounce of my willpower not to say: “Well DUH! Why would you be calling here if we didn’t know more about this than you? If you knew more about it than us… you would have been able to fix it your damn self! “

I went on and fixed his problem… and then said, “Well, now that it’s fixed, we don’t need the back-up so we can delete that from your desktop.”

He said: “Actually… can we leave it there? I think it’s good to have a back-up, since that’s our Master file.”

Originally posted: 1/9/2008

Is it still cold/hot/windy out?

While the people I work with are by and large an intelligent and talented group, apparently understanding the weather and weather forecast is not really something they excel at.

Whenever I am preparing to leave the office during the day someone will invariably as me: “Is it still <insert weather term> out?” Today, for example, I was on my way out to go to grab lunch and run a couple errands, and one of my co-workers asked: “Is it still cold out?” Now, it’s 1 pm, and both of us have been in the office since arriving this morning… me at 9 am, her at 11 am. You tell me, which of us is better suited for answering that question?

Now, if that were the extent of it, I’d probably just shrug it off… but it goes further. This is typically how the full conversation goes:

Co-worker: Heading to lunch?
Me: Yes.
Co-worker: Is it still cold out?
Me: I don’t know. I imagine so.
Co-worker: Well, they* said it wasn’t supposed to warm up until Sunday or so.
Me: Yes… that’s what I heard.
Co-worker: It didn’t seem as windy this morning as yesterday, but they said it was going to pick up this afternoon. It seems colder when it’s windy.
Me: Yes, it is. I heard the same thing.
Co-worker: Well, enjoy your lunch… and let me know if it’s still cold out.
Me: Okay… thanks.

What I don’t get is if they a) were outside more recently than me and b) already know the weather report… why are they asking me?

I realize that weather forcasting beyond 24-36 hours can sometimes be iffy… but generally they’re fairly accurate within that range. The weather info that comes out in these conversations is invariable the same as what I heard on the radio on my way into work, so I’m guessing that they’re talking about a report they heard that morning.

Do they think that there’s going to be some sort of cataclysmic weather event where things will go from being freezing cold and windy to 90 degrees in the course of two hours? Or is it really just that they’re getting their info from the weather gremlins, have been fooled in the past, and so have to confirm all their data?

Whatever the case… I wish they’d stop talking to me about it.

*I assume this mean “the weather people” since sometimes it’s qualified with the actual source… i.e. “they said on channel 7″, but I’m not always sure. It might be untrustworthy little weather gremlins that I can’t hear, which would explain why they feel the need to confirm things with me. Who knows, maybe channel 7 doesn’t mean the TV staion, but something else all together!

Originally posted: 1/3/2008